Hardly anyone was smiling.

Not the people I passed on the sidewalk.  Not those driving in their cars.  I saw couples sitting together at restaurants with barely a smile between them.  I saw clerks in stores and customers at cafes with nary a smile in sight.

In fact, I would go so far as to say some looked grim, if not grimacing.

What’s that all about?

Not all cultures express happiness, pleasure, amusement, and joy with a smile. But I’m in the heartland of America where we most decidedly do equate a smile with positive emotion.

So what’s going on?

I know there are problems. All it takes is a glance at the headlines to feel the weight of political discord, economic distress, environmental woes…

And if those Big World problems aren’t enough, most of us are dealing with a few pesky ones closer to home too.

But suffering isn’t useful for any of us—and the fact is:  some of our suffering is self-imposed. It comes not so much from the circumstances in our lives, but from our response to those circumstances.

Are you meeting the circumstances of your life with a smile?  Regardless of what’s going on in the world or in your life, will a smile increase your burden or lighten your load?

Are you waiting until you’re happy to smile or smiling now in order to be happy?

Sometimes while mingling at a networking event, other times across the aisle of a plane. Sometimes it happens when I’m meeting someone new for a cup of coffee or it could be while sharing lunch with others at a conference. It happened twice last weekend at a social gathering.

It’ s almost always said softly, sometimes in a near whisper. Often with a combination of shame and relief in the sharing.

It happens whenever I mention my research into the Impostor Syndrome and share that two out of five successful people consider themselves frauds.

That’s right:  2 out of 5.

That’s when someone invariably says, “I feel that way too.”

Here’s a glimpse into what the litany of anxiety and self-doubt of Impostor Syndrome sounds like:

• I give the impression I’m more competent than I really am.
• I’m afraid people are going to find out I’m not as capable as they think.
• Anything less than perfection is failure.
• I’m always comparing myself to others and thinking they’re more intelligent than I am.
• I feel like a phony.
• I more easily remember when I’ve failed than when I’ve succeeded.
• It’s hard to accept compliments or praise about my performance.
• Even when I do well, I doubt I’ll be able to repeat that success.

Two out of five is a prevalent phenomenon, but other studies have found as many as 70% of all successful people reported feeling like fakes at one time or another—in other words, feeling their success is a fraud.

In fact, for some people, the more successful they become, the more they feel like frauds.

Despite these statistics, we don’t really know who suffers from Impostor Syndrome because it’s a well kept secret… By its very nature, if you believe you’re an Impostor, you’ve probably kept it a secret. It’s not something you’ve wanted to admit or how you’ve wanted to identify yourself.

I’ll let you in on a little secret:  I’m definitely a recovering Impostor. I felt like a fraud many times during my past “lives” of graduate school, various career iterations, and starting my first business. I felt like my success was the result of luck or being in the right place at the right time—not because of my intelligence and abilities.

I wasn’t alone because attributing success to luck is a telltale sign of this syndrome. Despite evidence to the contrary, those suffering from the Impostor Syndrome:

• Believe they’ve somehow managed to “fool” others into thinking they’re more intelligent and competent than they really are;
• Attribute their success to luck or good fortune; and
• Live in fear of being “found out”.

Because someone experiencing the Impostor Syndrome feels like a fraud, there’s a never-ending fear of the curtain being pulled back and the world finding out they’ve faked their way into their position, achievements, and success.

In that way, the Impostor Syndrome robs the joy of accomplishment because you can never truly appreciate your success.

Are you able to appreciate and truly “own” your success? Do you have a nagging sense the truth will be discovered and everyone will realize you’ve been faking it?

Interested in finding out more about the Impostor Syndrome? Join me for a live workshop on Tuesday, May 22 to learn practical strategies for bridging the disconnect between self-appraisal and external reality. (See page 22 of the catalog for more information and to register).

I’m delighted to revisit the words of my Waking Up ebook and bring them to life in a more multi-sensory way. Enjoy the video! If you connect with it, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. Pass it on!

I’m not sure how it happened exactly.  There’s been a lot jettisoned over the last couple years.

Peeling off expectations.
Shedding “shoulds”.
Discarding people pleasing.
Casting off perfection.

Essentially letting go of anything not fundamentally and authentically me.

And this “enough business” has also meant a fair amount of embracing.

Embracing my introversion.
Embracing what gives me energy.
Embracing my definition of success.
Embracing flexibility over security.
Embracing simple over struggle.
Embracing the journey.

After adding and subtracting, I’m enough.

Maybe I was all along.  But now I feel it.

What about you?  What’s your relationship to “enough”?

How is that possible? How does that make sense?

Join me for a free 30-minute call on Monday, May 14th and learn more about living a life based on what matters most. This free call is for anyone intrigued by the thought of intentionally and actively designing their life.

Life is short. Are you ready to start making the next 365 days your best yet?

Particularly if you’ve been in denial about the state of your relationships, career, health, finances, self-care, physical environment, spiritual life, emotional well-being, etc.

Or if you’ve deferred truly living by falling into the insidious trap of “life begins when”.

As in, my life will really begin when I lose 20 pounds, get promoted, have enough money, get married, buy a home, have kids, pay down the mortgage, put the kids through college, etc.

This kind of future thinking traps us because the magical milestone invariably keeps changing—and so life as we define it never really begins.

We get the promotion, but then we say life really begins when we get married.  We get married, and then we’re waiting to buy a house.  We buy the home, and then our focus is on having kids.

Of course, it’s not that any of these desires are misguided; it’s just we need to avoid waiting for life to begin until these things have happened.

Future thinking in the form of “life begins when” is a maze that keeps the present hidden and results in always waiting to live until you get around that next corner…and the next…and the next.

Are you treating your life like a dress rehearsal?

Rather than focusing on what you can’t do, what if you focused on what you can do.

What if you focused on what is possible.

What if you moved beyond your lengthy list of all that’s wrong and not working in your life—and get very clear about what is right and is working.

What if you stopped thinking in terms of negatives:  I don’t like how my job has changed.  I don’t want to be out of shape.  I shouldn’t have to do all the work in my relationships.

What would happen—what would be possible—if you started thinking in terms of what you do want to come into your life.  It’s amazing the shift in energy when we go from what we don’t want to what we do.

Rather than focusing on what isn’t, can you reconnect with what is.

So much energy is expended wishing, pushing, and struggling against what is.  What if you accept—even embrace—what is.

Over 35 million results…  It seems many are looking for balance.

I’ll admit, the quest for balance has never really resonated with me.

• Take work-life balance. Does work-life balance mean you spend half your time at work and the other half on your life?
• Or is work-life balance simply making sure work doesn’t encroach on the rest of your life?  That you avoid working too many hours so you actually have a life?
• Or maybe balance means spending equal time on each area of your life—work, family, friends, leisure, health, community, etc.?

I’m not looking for balance.

For me it’s all about engagement. I want to be 100% engaged when I expend my time and energy.

If I’m writing a blog post, I want to be 100% engaged in that activity and in the flow of writing.  If I’m having dinner with a friend, I want to be 100% present and engaged.  And, yes, if I’m scraping food off pots and pans and loading the dishwasher, then I want to be 100% engaged—even then.

To me, balance implies trying to divvy up and parcel out time and energy so there’s some sort of equilibrium or equality.

But what if I get my life sliced and diced, measured and weighed so there’s balance only to find I’m not engaged?

I’m not saying balance and engagement are mutually exclusive.

It’s just that I witness a lot of individuals focused on balance as if that’s the end-all, be-all.  Yet, they find so-called balance difficult to achieve, hard to maintain, and without engagement to be empty and devoid of the contentment and happiness they were expecting.  But I’ve found engagement—even without “balance”—can be exquisite.

If I spend 75% of my time this week working on Grace Street Group because that’s where my engagement is highest, so be it.  If that’s where I get lost in the flow and time stands still, then it will have been a great week.

And if next week I spend 75% of my time engaged in reading a stack of books, watching playoff hockey with Hans, and connecting with friends, then that’s great too.

When I’m at work, I want to be engaged.  When I’m at play, I want to be engaged. My life may not be “balanced”, but it’s high on engagement.

My measuring stick for living fully is not balance; it’s engagement. What about you?  Where do you stand when it comes to balance versus engagement?

Do you want to rebuild or transition?

If your marriage is crumbling, do you rebuild with counseling or do you transition to singlehood?

If your business is struggling, do you rebuild with a new line of services or transition to working for someone else?

No doubt either path—rebuilding or transitioning—requires effort. But I’ve noticed a great deal more energy—and often fruitless, draining, sometimes even damaging energy—gets expended heading down the path picked for the wrong reasons.

For instance, Nick initially choose to rebuild his failing marriage.  His motivation?  He was trying to hold onto the past and had a fear of moving into the unknown of the future.  The energy he exerted trying to rebuild was in vain; the marriage still failed and all his struggle to rebuild only postponed the inevitable transition.

When you think about rebuilding versus transition, ask:

• Are you still committed?  (if yes, rebuild)
• Does it feel like there’s more waiting ahead than behind?  (if yes, transition)
• Is the essence there needed to start again? (if yes, rebuild)
• Are you ready to let go of the past and be open to the future? (if yes, transition)

What’s going on in your life right now that warrants an exploration of rebuilding versus transitioning?