I consider myself a grateful person. I made a decision years ago to actively choose my mindset when I wake up in the morning, and an attitude of gratitude is one I like to keep front and center.

I’m also very much a goal-oriented person. I make plans. I want more. I have ambitions, dreams… For me, setting goals and working toward them is one of life’s great joys.

So I was taken aback recently when someone said, “It doesn’t sound like you’re very grateful for what you have.“

This was not in response to me complaining about my life. Far from it. Instead, it was in response to my sharing some details about what I hope to accomplish over the next couple years.

Hmmm… I wasn’t upset or defensive. More like perplexed.

Since when did setting goals mean you’re not grateful for what you have? Since when did wanting more equate to ingratitude?

So I started asking people: Do you think wanting more in life means you’re ungrateful?

So I started asking people: Do you think wanting more in life means you’re ungrateful?

O.K., I’d be the first to admit my poll was unscientific, but about 40% of the time, the answer was: Yes, wanting more is somehow incompatible with being grateful.

This is just not my view of the world.

When I’m in a state of true gratitude, I’m perfectly present to and tremendously thankful for who I am, where I am, and what I have. This appreciative state empowers and expands me. It makes me strong and bold. It creates a sense of possibility.

In some enigmatic way being grateful for WHAT IS becomes the springboard to want more. To take the next step. To dream the next dream. To reach a little higher. Maybe to dig a little deeper.

• Perhaps you’re really grateful for how connected you are with your significant other.  Does being grateful mean you can’t want even more of that connectedness in your relationship?

• Maybe you’re grateful for the impact of your business, but want to be even more successful so you can reach—and serve—even more people. Is that ingratitude for your current success?

Being grateful for WHAT IS can lead to wanting more. While it might sound contradictory, it’s perfectly symbiotic in a fully lived life.

Do you practice an attitude of gratitude? How does being grateful relate to wanting more in your life?

Does your mind take a little information and run with it into the future thinking about negative scenarios?

When faced with anything new or outside your comfort zone, do you assume you’ll fall short, it won’t work out, or even that something catastrophic will happen?

• My spouse says we need to talk tonight. I’ll bet it’s something bad.
• If I start my own business it will probably fail.
• I have a headache…it’s probably a brain tumor.
• If I try online dating, no one will respond to my profile.
• If I speak up in a work meeting, I’ll probably say something obvious that everyone else already knows.

Do you live in ever-present fear of the bogey man called The Worst Thing That Could Happen?

Worst case scenario thinking is like continually walking down a bad street where dangers lurk around every corner. You live in ever-present fear of the bogey man called The Worst Thing That Could Happen.

Yes, bad things sometimes happen.

But most of what we worry about never happens and yet we suffer unnecessarily, consumed with worry and anxiety, contemplating the worst case scenario.

Here’s the thing: Worst case thinking exaggerates the potential bad and makes it seem inevitable rather than only one of many possible outcomes. And often an improbable outcome at that.

I often ask my clients, “Does thinking the worst feel empowering?” I’ve yet to receive a “yes” in response. Quite the opposite, worst case scenario thinking keeps us rooted in fear, is disempowering, and fosters powerlessness and vulnerability.

Some worst case scenario thinkers tell me preparing for the worst helps them handle the situation better and respond more quickly if, indeed, the worst happens.

But does it?

Or does it just compromise joy?

Does worst case scenario thinking simply rob us of anticipatory joy—that wondrous feeling of possibility, of expansive dreaming, of hopefulness?

What might the universe have been able to support you in doing if you’d attracted positivity by believing in good outcomes? If you’d filtered the world through possibility rather than catastrophe?

Next time you start thinking the worst, what would happen if you chose optimism instead? What would happen if you believed a good outcome was just as possible—and even more probable— than a bad one?

But it’s NOT OK to stay stuck in that place of not knowing.

I hear so many reasons for why people don’t plan.

• I don’t have time to plan.
• I’m no good at planning.
• I like to live in the moment; I don’t want to be locked in by a plan.
• I don’t know what I want for my life, so how can I plan?
• If I really thought about what I wanted, then I’d be responsible for doing something about it.  That scares me.

But planning doesn’t mean your life is rigidly defined, nor are you locked in or controlled.  In fact, an annual life plan can set you free.

Annual life planning can encompass serendipity, flexibility, and changing course along the way.  There’s no “one-size-fits-all” in annual life planning, but there IS a plan that fits and meets your needs to live your best life.

Why let life happen to you and unfold around you rather than actively and intentionally designing your life?  Why risk a life half lived?

Virtually all successful businesses go through an annual exercise of setting goals and making plans for the year to get where they want to go.  Sadly, far too few individuals do this for themselves.

An annual life plan gives you clarity about what matters most to you, AND you have a much better chance of getting where you want to go.

Think about it this way:  When you take a trip, you typically start out with a destination in mind—and then have a strategy that makes sense for getting there.  Right?

Otherwise, you could drive 20 miles north, south, east, and west….You might see some interesting sights along the way, but what’s the pitfall?

The PITFALL is ending up essentially where you started.  Or realizing there was a journey you’d like to have taken—there was a destination you’d like to have reached—but it’s too late.

Because you didn’t plan.  Because you didn’t plan for making this your best year yet.  Because you didn’t plan for your best life.

Where are you when it comes to planning?  Love it?  Hate it?  Afraid of it?  I’d love to hear your take on life planning.

• Three years ago her New Year’s resolution was to stop complaining.  How do I know this? Because it slipped out in a conversation in May when Sally was complaining about breaking her resolution.

• Then a couple years ago her goal was to start a regular, sustained practice of yoga.  Her revelation and confession that it didn’t stick came at the end of March.

• Last year she resolved to finish one of the screenplays she’d started.  Again, revealing this goal to her friends—along with owning up to not having stuck with her intention—came mid-summer.

I don’t want you to be under the wrong impression:  My friend is no layabout or loafer.

In fact, Sally’s a dynamo in her professional life where setting and achieving goals is routine and seems to come easy.  She has a lot of confidence in her abilities to achieve professionally, but something different shows up when it comes to her personal life.

This year I asked Sally if she would be willing to share her New Year’s resolutions at the actual start of the new year.

Share them with me, share them with her friends and family, the grocery store clerk, her mailman, the dog walker…

Shout them from the rooftop…

Her response:  “Oh no, I couldn’t do that.  I don’t want anyone to know if I don’t reach my goal. I don’t want everyone to know if I fail.”

Well, here’s the thing:  keeping a goal a secret doesn’t work on three fronts:

1. You don’t receive support and accountability that comes from sharing your aspirations with others.
2. Falling short isn’t so bad if you learn from what doesn’t work and adjust accordingly.  But that rarely happens if it’s all or nothing, and we sweep the “failure” under the rug.
3. You aren’t showing up in the world as your authentic self.

The first one is bad enough; the second one may be even worse; and the third one is soul-deadening.

Keeping your goals a secret means you’re keeping a part of yourself hidden.  There are so many downsides to this behavior (believe me, I speak from personal experience), but perhaps the most costly is simply not showing up in the world as who you truly are. 

What could be sadder—both for yourself in hiding away AND for the world deprived of who you really are?

Now I understand if your goal is to leave your corporate job and start a business, you may not be eager to share this aspiration with your boss.  But most of us have goals that ARE shareable—with at least some of the people in our lives.

However, many of us are stingy with our goals.  Too reticent.  Too fearful.  Too insecure.

I’m throwing down the virtual gauntlet and challenging you to step outside your comfort zone and share a goal.  Who will you tell today?

Why intentional living?

Because it’s a game changer. It’s a line in the sand between half living and a life fully lived.  It’s the difference between fullness and regret, between the disappointment of untapped potential and the absolute joy of jumping into the deep end of the pool of life.

I help individuals live intentionally by turning off autopilot.  By putting a stop to living life by default.  By getting really, really clear about what matters most—and then putting a plan in place to live what matters most 365 days a year.

I love working one-on-one with clients through my 8-week virtual bootcamp, What Matters Most 365:  Life By Design™.  But regardless of whether we work together, I do hope everyone (that means YOU) avoids wasting another day half living and truly commits to leading their life and thriving.

Merely getting through the day and surviving is not good enough.  You deserve more than that.

To that end, there are four critical steps for living life by design.

1.     Where are you?

What is the current landscape of your life?    What’s there? What’s missing?  What’s working?  What’s not?

It’s striking how many want to skip this step and go right to #3.  But it’s only by knowing where you are—your starting point—that you can ultimately get where you want to go.

Think about how you get from Point A to Point B in the physical world using a map.  You first figure out where you are before you can plot your route.  That’s what this step is all about.

2.     Who are you?

This is where you really shine a light on what you’re taking with you on your journey of life by design.

What strengths and talents will serve you well on your journey?  What weaknesses and limiting beliefs might get in your way?  What core values will act as a compass to keep you on track?

Many initially tell me, “I know who I am; I don’t need to spend time on what I already know.”

Trust me:  Step #2 is time well spent, and never fails to yield an ah-ha moment or two as you shed the expectations of who others want you to be and as you let go of your own expectations of who you “should” be.

3.     Where do you want to go?

Not a week goes by without someone confiding to me they have no idea what they want.  They’re disconnected from their purpose and passion…often just going through the motions.

This is where visioning comes in.

Ben Stein said, “The indispensable first step in getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.”

That’s what visioning is—deciding what you want. It’s picturing what’s possible for the future.

But so many have never learned or have lost touch with this critical life skill.  They’ve forgotten how to dream and, as a result, make their worlds and themselves small.

Robert Fritz offers his cautionary wisdom:  “If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.”

Step #3 is where the compromise stops.

4.     How will you get there?

During the visioning stage of Step #3, we don’t worry about the “how”.  The how comes now, in Step #4.

As Pearl Buck said, “Once the ‘what’ is decided, the ‘how’ always follows.  We must not make the ‘how’ an excuse for not facing and accepting the ‘what’.“

Too often we don’t declare what it is we truly want because we have no idea how to make it happen.  So we don’t allow ourselves to want it.

But time and again I see the How emerging—not effortlessly, but inevitably—if your “What” is on the level.  In other words, if you get really clear on what it is you want and what you want is truly based on Who you are, then the How can be figured out.

The tendency is to water down Step #3 to something you already know how to achieve.  But that diminishes you.  It leaves you disengaged, discontent, off balance, and asking, “Is this all there is?”

These four steps—Where are you?  Who are you?  Where do you want to go?  How will you get there?—are the path to a fully lived life.

They are the steps to engagement, fulfillment, contentment, meaning, purpose, passion, and happiness.

I consider myself a champion for intentional living.  Whether you someday enroll in What Matters Most 365:  Life By Design™, find another approach to life planning, or are motivated to move forward on your own, my goal is that you do something.

You’re worth it, and your life is worth fully living.

I love this quote:  “The future is not some place we are going, but one we create.  The paths are not found, but made.”

So what about it?  Will you create your future?  Will you make your path?

We need resources to accomplish our goals and be the person we want to be.  But here’s the thing: Often we complain we don’t have the necessary resources and leave it at that.

Instead, I want you to get creative about how you can secure the resources you need.  Asking these six questions is a great place to start:

BUY:  What resources can I buy to support me and move me forward?

Buying the resources you need is a straightforward solution—if you have the resource of money.  Ask yourself: Where can I hand over some money and simply buy the resource needed?

Keep in mind spending a little upfront can sometimes significantly shorten time to goal. For instance, I have a client who spent many hours deciphering the trademark application process because she wanted to avoid spending money for a trademark attorney.  The result: countless hours spent on something outside her expertise that would have been cheaper in the long run to pay a professional.

BARTER:  What resources can I barter?

Barter is the exchange of goods and services for goods and services.

I interact with lots of entrepreneurs, and as a group, we’re all about the barter.  But bartering doesn’t seem to be something the average person thinks about or wants to do.  I’m not sure why that is.

It’s this simple: YOU have resources that would be valuable to others. Ask yourself who has something you need and could also benefit from something you have.  For instance, one of my clients is bartering his knowledge of social media with someone in exchange for an edit of his book manuscript.  It’s a win-win.

(On a side note: If you can shed light on why more people don’t barter, share your thoughts in a comment because I would love to better understand this.)

BEG:  What resources can I beg?

Sometimes it not about The Buy or The Barter, it’s about The Beg.  When I say “begging” for resources, I mean asking earnestly or humbly for something.  You’re not buying, you’re not bartering, you’re humbling asking for help with no explicit expectation of anything in return.

I’ve been on both the asking and receiving end of The Beg.  In my experience as beggar, those on the other end were absolutely delighted to share their knowledge, skills, and time to help me.  Likewise, when I’ve been on the giving end of The Beg, I’ve felt good about being able to give back and share my expertise.

PARTNER:  Who can I partner with for support, encouragement, and accountability?

Perhaps you know someone with a similar goal and could join forces to cheerlead, brainstorm through obstacles, and spur each other on.

The old saying is “Two heads are better than one,” and it’s amazing what seems possible and can happen when you have a thinking partner.

LET GO:  What do I need to let go of that’s holding me back?

One of the most overlooked resources needed to achieve a goal is the resource of freedom—freedom from limiting beliefs and false assumptions.  Freedom from pressing the Play button on that negative loop of tape in your head that says: I’m not smart enough.  I don’t really know what I’m doing.  Everyone else has it together.  I don’t have what it takes.

Let go of the baggage of negative self talk and see what life feels like without the dead weight.

GET CLEAR:  Where do I need to clear my calendar of commitments that don’t align with this goal?

Sometimes the best resource you can give yourself is the gift of time and focus.  If your calendar is full of competing or conflicting priorities, it’s time to get crystal clear about your true priorities.

Acknowledging that not everything can be equally important puts you in a resourceful state of mind because it creates the space for what really matters.

Think about what you want to accomplish in 2012 and identify any gaps in your resources. What would happen if you were to buy, barter, beg, partner, let go, and get clear?

I want to try things, experience how they feel, figure out what works, see what doesn’t.  I want to experiment and pay attention to what I call the cues and clues of discovery.

That’s a basic principle of experimentation:  paying attention to the cues and clues of discovery.  Too often we quickly say,”Well, that didn’t work“, and simply stop, giving up.

In that sense, we aren’t always good scientists in our lives.

Because a good scientist doesn’t just stop.  They try things, recognize when a proposed explanation for how something works is wrong, make adjustments, and test another explanation.  And another and another.  Until landing on the one that finally does.

Experimenting is all about testing a hypothesis, which is just a fancy way of saying an uncertain belief.

For example, here are a few hypotheses—or uncertain beliefs—my clients are experimenting with:

• If I make an effort to be more connected with people, I’ll feel better in general and open the door to more opportunities.

• If I put together a learning plan for my professional growth, I’ll feel more confident and accelerate building my practice.

• If I do two things each day toward my side hustle, I’ll be ready to launch my business this year.

• If I start charging what I’m worth, I’ll lose a few clients in the short-term, but gain more, and more profitable ones, in the long-term.

• If I commit to getting rid of one thing a day, I’ll be in a position to downsize from a house to a condo by Fall 2012.

• If I update my resume, start networking, and research potential career opportunities then I’ll get clarity and peace of mind about whether to stay put with my current company or leave for something better.

• If I write 150 words each day (the equivalent of 4 pages a week), I’ll finally be able to finish that novel I’ve been working on for years.

My clients are not 100% sure about the eventual outcome of these experiments.

At its core, that’s what experimenting is:  adopting a course of action without being sure of the eventual outcome.  It’s simply trying out new concepts or ways of doing things.

But too often we don’t follow through on the second, critical component of experimentation: doing something in order to determine something. In order to determine something. That’s the cues and clues part.

If we try to lose weight and our approach doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean we are unable to lose weight.  It simply means the particular approach we took didn’t work.

That doesn’t mean we stop.  It means we keep experimenting.  We try a different approach and keep paying attention to the cues and clues of discovery that either confirm our actions are getting us the results we want or are pointing us in a different direction.

What about you?  Are you a good scientist in your own life?  Are you willing to experiment more in 2012 to find out what works (and what doesn’t) for living your best life?

What matters most to you in 2012?

Intellectual stimulation makes life more satisfying, and there’s a lot of research to suggest it also helps preserve mental function.

I know some of you are planners while others like to allow things to unfold spontaneously, but I’m a big believer in thinking about what you want to learn rather than leaving it entirely to chance.

We all have the capacity to learn and what’s supremely cool about being an adult is YOU get to create your very own learning plan.  Admittedly, there may be non-negotiable learnings required as part of your job, but what about outside that realm?

Nailing down your learning plan is not as dry as it sounds. It simply starts with what you’re curious about, what sparks your interest, what speaks to your soul.  What is it that you would most like to explore?

In fact, how about creating a learning list?

It’s like a bucket list, but instead of being all the things you want to do before you die, it’s a list of all the things you want to learn.

If you end up with a long list like me, here’s a way to hone in on what you’ll learn for 2012:  Go through each possibility and ask yourself, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how excited am I about the act of learning—not just the end result, but the journey of learning?”

Sometimes I find there are topics I’d like to KNOW, but am not so excited about the actual learning part.  I tend to set those would-be learnings aside for something that gets a 9 or 10 on the sheer joy of learning scale.

We are all life-long learners. Whether we want to be or not.  The simple fact is the world is always changing, and we have to learn new information and skills to keep up.  What would 2012 be if you were to focus on what you want to learn rather than what you have to learn simply to keep up?

Have you thought about what you want to learn in this New Year?   Would love to see your learning list!